Lesson 4: Emotional Release Methods
Nothing stops your spiritual growth: your innate intuitive abilities from being developed more than the many emotional blocks we hold on to. In this section you will learn of the most powerful methods to clear your emotional baggage. Each method will be explained and I urge you to try each one on yourself to discover which method may be the most beneficial to you. When you find the method that works, use it daily to clear all the hurts, anguish, pain and suffering we all experience from time to time. Some of the methods are very similar so you may find some information repeating but every one of these methods has been tested and proven to work for the majority of practitioners. You will also find it helpful to combine some of the techniques. Before we introduce you to the emotional clearing techniques, it is helpful to know how emotions affect us.
Where do Emotions Come from?
The word emotion is a fascinating word. Look at it this way: E– motion, or energy, put into motion. That is what our emotions do. They move energy and bring things into motion, or manifestation. The force behind what we feel is what allows us to create. First we have our thoughts, or perception. But it is the emotional energy, the fuel that allows something to get created. “I felt so strongly that I had to just rush out and do it". Therefore, to create in a positive way, we must generate positive emotions from clear thoughts and perceptions.
Thought triggers in motion. See what kind of thoughts you are thinking, and what kind of emotion that creates. Tune in to how you feel. Use all your senses to ask if something doesn't feel right or comfortable in the way you are responding or feeling. If you don't like the emotion you are feeling, change the thoughts you are thinking that are the reason for you creating that emotion. Get a new perspective, in other words. Healing comes from taking responsibility, to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates you thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.
The Reactive Response
The opposite of being responsible is to be ‘reactive’ - in this case, one's response is not conscious and self aware, it is mechanical, like a trigger of a gun. Rather than being objective in the present, one is subjectively in the past. A situation reminds you of the past and there you go. The thoughts that go through your mind– thoughts from the past– trigger an unpleasant or self-defeating emotional reactions, and result in behavior that is not in your best interest. In other words it is your beliefs and your perspective on things that determine your emotions, which then drive your resulting behavior.
These thoughts are derived from times when they seemed like the best solution to trying circumstances, and they may be in agreement with a dominant, or authoritative or persuasive force, or derived from the conclusion to an episode in your life of success or failure. If the original circumstances were unpleasant and become painful to think about, the accompanying thoughts, decisions and purposes become suppressed too, but continue to operate subconsciously.
When brought to light, it is apparent that the thoughts are affecting current life unnecessarily, as they are usually an over generalization, an exaggeration, negativity or an intolerance that is irrational. To become responsible again rather than reactive, one needs to become aware of these thoughts and examine them objectively. To be conscious of the present moment, and so act (rather than react) as circumstances change.
The route to the underlying thoughts and beliefs is to recognize the situation or circumstances that triggers unwanted feelings and subsequent behavior, and send see what thoughts are deriving that reaction. Most often these are fleeting and subconscious, since they are associated with painful experiences or because they have a long been instilled in the mind as seemingly save solutions to the situations of life and have therefore become taken for granted–built in as part of one's identity. Normally you can't see what you're being– first you need to fully experience, except and release the emotion.
Finding the underlying thought pattern is crucial to resolving the reactivity, and when it is seen in the light of an objective view this is a great relief, because the past decision – and the beliefs surrounding it– can normally be changed quite readily. It may mean finding a new solution to the problem that it has been ‘solving’ in the mind, but the clearer view makes this possible.
If the previous solution is used to make one feel right (or justified if connected with bad actions) and/or to make others wrong defensively or manipulatively, then some courage is needed to adopt the new, more rational view. If you have done something wrong in the past, it is best to be thankful you made that mistake, because it gives you the opportunity now to learn a valuable lesson.
These principles are common to much of humanistic psychology, and are also the basis for further transpersonal work. To recap, the way it works is this:
The person has a dramatic experience, of pain or loss.
As a result of the experience, she/he makes a decision or intention for the future, such as "men are selfish pigs, I can't trust them" which becomes part of their belief system.
Because this incident was painful it was suppressed, and the accompanying decision is identified with, but both remain in the mind and continue to have influence.
When the incident is re-stimulated by similar circumstances in the present, the old decision is subconsciously traumatized. The tape replays subconsciously.
The decision may have been relevant and appropriate to the original circumstances but it is probably not appropriate now– it is therefore irrational and somewhat stupid, i.e. it may contain an assumption or generalization that causes intolerance or negativity.
The current situation is interpreted according to the re-stimulated beliefs and considerations, and so the person creates unpleasant emotions (sadness, fear, antagonism, anger, etc.) which then drives him or her to behave in an inappropriate and self-defeating way; rather than the appropriate and self empowering way to rational and objective interpretation would encourage.
To resolve the cycle of irrationality– painful emotion – negative behavior pattern, you can use a system devised by Peter Shepard author of ‘Transforming the Mind’ who has combined the famous Sedona Method with Reactive Emotive Therapy (RET) to complete the technique. These are very powerful techniques so please read carefully before trying any of the exercises provided and do them only if you feel you can do them alone. If you are in a highly emotional state or are being treated for any emotional disorder, you may want to talk to your doctor before attempting any emotional clearing work. First we need to learn the theory behind the technique.
Rational Emotive Therapy (RET)
Rational Emotive Therapy was developed by Albert Ellis in the mid 1950s. Ellis proposed that people become unhappy and develop self-defeating habits because of unrealistic or faulty beliefs. In research reports from Ellis in 1979 in 1987 he introduced the model that most irrational beliefs originate from three core ideas, each one of which is unrealistic. These three core and unrealistic views include: 1) I must perform well to be approved of by others who are perceived significant: 2) you must treat me fairly– if not, then it is horrible and I cannot bear it; 3) conditions must be my way and if not I cannot stand to live in such a terrible and awful world. These irrational thoughts can lead to grief and needless suffering.
As a therapy, RET is active. The RET Therapist strives to change irrational beliefs, challenge thinking, and promote rational self-talk, and various strategies are used to achieve these goals. Yes strategies may include: disputing irrational beliefs [the therapist points out how irrational it would be for a client to believe he or she had to be good at everything to be considered a worthwhile person] reframing [situations are viewed from a more positive angle], problem solving, role-playing, modeling and the use of humor. The client may also be requested to complete certain exercises at home, and bibliotherapy [reading about the disorder] may also be used as components of RET.
The Releasing procedure helps you to re-experience the painful emotion, to the point that you realize that you actually create the emotion based on your interpretation of events, and that you are not the emotion, i.e. "I create the feeling of being angry" rather than "I am angry". With acceptance of the emotion, so that you can have it or not have it and still be content, then you can let the emotion go.
For the releasing to be permanent you also need to spot the underlying irrational thoughts, assumption, decision or intention, and how it has been driving your emotions. Now that the emotion is cleared it will no longer be dominating your view of the situation and these thoughts will be exposed. Upon examination it becomes clear that you can change your mind about this and see things differently, so you will no longer need to feel upset in similar circumstances and have new freedom to behave in ways more aligned with your goals in life.
The Shadow Self
We each have a belief system full of ideas imprinted by our culture and upbringing, and from the effect of earlier traumatic experiences, and even influences we are born with. They are here with us all the time in the present and affect our view of things, an interpretation of events so that we are not really free to be ourselves, and to know our true selves, our true goals and purpose in life.
Part of our belief system is conscious and makes up the personality we knowingly present to the world. Another part is less conscious and these are beliefs that we suppressed because they are uncomfortable to face - they make up our ‘Shadow Self’. It includes aspects of ourselves that we resist– qualities we have that we don't like, things we've done we are ashamed of, things we've believed that others have told us that are negative evolution or invalidations. Accompanying these believes are put-downs, self-invalidations.
To help in suppressing painful aspects of the shadow self, we then use these put– downs against others too, e.g. criticizing someone because he is cowardly to speak up, to reinforce the suppression of the belief that one has about oneself.
So when you resist, deny or suppress a belief about yourself, you then reinforce this by projecting the same suppression on others. You might suppress the belief that you're not a kind person by criticizing another for being mean. Ironically, when we realize that someone is being kind, this is only possible because one has recognized the kindness within oneself, otherwise it would not view real to you.
Men who did not become an aspect of themselves often then criticize other men for being soft or oversensitive. And women who through their conditioning suppressed their masculine aspects may criticize other women for being tough or aggressive.
As we become more aware, we let go of these "shadow" aspects of our personality, we no longer need them as ‘safe solutions’, their lies have been exposed. And the energy we put into anger, hate, jealousy, guilt, envy and so on, is freed up and transmuted to its true nature, which is our only true nature; love.
Responsibility - yours or mine?
Another's determination (including their emotional responses) is their responsibility, not yours. This is a hard lesson to learn. If I promise to my partner that we will have a holiday this year but turns out not to be possible, he may be upset and angry. It is easy to fall into the trap of taking responsibility for his upset, to feel that I have caused it. But it is your partner who causes their own grief, not you. You are responsible for doing what you think is right, according to you ethical judgement. If you do something wrong according to your own ethics, you are responsible for that. You are not responsible for the other person’s reactions, that is there determinism, their freedom.
If you do something you think is right and someone gets upset about it, even if you could have predicted it, the upset is nevertheless that person’s responsibility. Sometimes you do something you know another probably won’t like, because it is the right and therefore responsible thing to do. The other persons reaction is their personal responsibility. You may decide to withhold an action because of a predicted effect, although that effect is another’s responsibility. Here it is an ethical judgement - withholding that action, if it is the right thing to do, may be a wrong-dong in itself.
For example, it you were to withhold doing personal development because your partner has said they do not want to change in any way, perhaps because they project their personal fears and insecurities, that is your choice. BUT, if you consider making a better life for yourself is the ethical thing to do - for the benefit of yourself and ultimately others too - and you tell your partner and they get upset, it is your partner who is responsible for the upset - it is their interpretation of your actions that creates their own upset, not your action in itself, which is a responsible action.
You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don’t like or agree with. You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still understand and have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their emotional reaction, part of their ‘case’ which they have created by their own choices and belief system).
If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never progress. That would truly be a trap. The solution here is better communication, leading to increased understanding of each others viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the differing personal realities.
There is strong cultural conditioning to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions that our actions, however well meant, may cause to others. In society there’s a general misconception that you are your emotions. “I am angry” and “you make me angry”. This is conditioning, not truth. In terms of cause and effect, it’s a viewpoint of effect. Some say that to be happy only do what others can easily experience - it’s the same lie.
The Church teaches “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”. This is evidently true; as if you are being ethical then it’s going to be OK for others to do the same to you. And if it isn’t then you’d better re-think whether you are indeed doing the right thing. It is one definition of a ‘wrong’ action: that which you would not like another to do to you.
It’s basic principle of respect for others (as one would wish for oneself) that they are responsible for their actions and reactions - that is their freedom of choice. They are not a slave or puppet.
Looking at life and relationships in terms of Communication, Understanding and Empathy (CUE) is a spiritual viewpoint. It is like the ‘love of God’ - it can seem harsh but it’s about the ‘greatest good’. It has no room for the ‘victim’ identification, jealousy, and those kinds of human responses that are based on conditioned lies.
Consideration for the other person comes into play when you judge ethics, what is best overall, not just for oneself. However the other may not agree with her judgment or like it. This is an aspect of the unknown and randomness of the game of life. You try to make it a win-win rather than competitive game by increasing the qualities of CUE.
You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions, for being true to your judgment, for communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining an open mind, and promoting understanding and empathy, for never compromising her freedoms and rights, or trampling on another's, for always acting from the primary motivation of love. That's all and quite enough.
The Sedona Method
The Sedona Method is the perfect technique to help you let go of any unwanted thoughts or feeling instantly; breaking bad habits, self-sabotashing behavior, stress, tension, panic, fear, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, procrastination, codependency and uncontrolled anger and grief. You will have more radiant health and a satisfying, joyful life. You all have the right to be happy.
How the Sedona method works: An emotion is adopted chronically when it accompanies the belief structure of a particular identity we are absorbed in – a way of being, such as a people pleaser who is dominated at work by more confident colleagues, or a mother with children who feels bored and restricted to the house. And then, suddenly a different identity may become re-stimulated (through new circumstances or through thought re-stimulating past circumstances) and we see a dramatic personality change– the person at work may get a position and start to feel and behave quite differently, or the mother may remember her pleasure at giving birth and suddenly looking after the children is a quite different proposition.
Since we cannot easily recognize what we are being, this aspect of changing fixed identities is usually an unconscious aspect of an individual's case– though profoundly affecting these people much of the time.
To clear a fixed identity is to release the emotions that are driving it, so next we look at the techniques to achieve that…
One profoundly effective technique is a process of consciously and intentionally fully experiencing and then releasing unwanted emotions as they arise - a technique developed by Lester Levinson. In essence, Levinson found that people have three usual ways of handling painful emotion:
The first way is to suppress the emotion. But suppressed emotions don't go away– they build up and fester inside, causing anxiety, tension, depression, and a host of stress related problems. The repressed energy (or ‘charge’) these suppressed emotions create, eventually drives you to behave in ways you don't like or understand, and what you cannot control.
The second way is to express the motion. By"blowing up" or losing our tempers we relieve the pressure of the accumulated emotions. This can feel good because it puts the emotion into action – but it doesn't get rid of the emotion, it simply release the pressure of it momentarily. Negative emotions may also be unpleasant for the person on the receiving end, which in turn causes more stress and guilt.
The third common way to cope with emotions is by attempting to avoid the issue by talking, watching TV, eating, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, having sex, etc. But despite our attempts to escape them, the emotions are still there– and still take their toll in the form of stress.
But there is another option for handling an emotion – you can focus on it, fully experience it, and then let go of it; release it, discharge it. This is the healthiest way to handle any emotion that is consuming us. We've all had the experience of being in the mist of an initial explosion and then suddenly began to laugh at ourselves, realizing silly or inappropriate or useless our behavior is. In other words we become conscious.
Typical emotions include the following:
Apathy and related emotions such as bored, careless, cold, cut off, dead, defeated, depressed, discouraged, disillusioned, drained, forgetful, futile, hopeless, humorless, indecisive, indifferent, lazy, lost, negative, numb, overwhelmed, resigned, shocked, stuck, tired, worthless, etc.
Grief and related emotions such as abandoned, abused, accused, anguished, ashamed, betrayed, jaded, embarrassed, helpless, pert, ignored, left out, longing, loss, melancholy, misunderstood, neglected, pity, pour me, regret, rejection, reverse, set, unhappy.
Fear and related emotions such as anxious, apprehensive, cautious, cowardly, doubt, dread, foreboding, inhibited, insecure, nervous, panicky, scared, secretive, shaky, shy, skeptical, stage fright, suspicious, tense, trapped, worried.
Compulsive emotions of anticipation, craving, demanding, desiring, devious, driven, envy, frustrated, greedy, impatient, manipulative, lots, need, obsessed, pushy, ruthless, selfish; wanting desperately to have or to hurt; meeting security, control, acceptance or approval; needing to be right, to make another wrong.
Anger and related emotions such as aggressive, annoyed, argumentative, defiant, demanding, disgusted, fierce, frustrated, furious, hatred, impatience, jealous, mad, mean, outraged, rebellious, resentment, rude, spiteful, stern, stubborn, vengeful, vicious, violent.
Pride and related emotions such as aloof, arrogant, boastful, clever, contemptuous, cool, critical, judgmental, righteous, rigid, self-satisfied, snobbish, spoiled, superior, unforgiving, vain.
Courage and related emotions such as adventurous, alerts, aware, competence, confidence, creative, daring, decisive, eager, happy, independent, loving, motivated, open, positive, resourceful, self-sufficient, strong, supportive, vigorous.
Acceptance and related emotions such as balance, beauty, compassion, delights, empathy, friendly, gentle, joyful, loving, open, receptive, wonder.
Peace and related emotions such as calm, centered, come tweet, free, fulfilled, perfect, pure, quiet, serene, tranquil, whole.
(some are positive emotions– it is important also to release on even very good emotions such as peace, serenity, love and courage, for driving these emotions are sometimes hidden want, or desires of the ego. When you release these good emotions you feel the physical and emotional release, just as when you release negative emotions. What lies behind the mission is something even better; an impenetrable serenity, the Higher self. )
