Law IV
The Law of Presence
You might be wondering how you can possibly live in the present when you are so used to focusing on the past or what the future might bring. The best way to master the law of presence is to apply the law of process and take baby steps.
Decide how to forgive those who have hurt you. See what lesson you have learned from the experience and move on. There is no reason to feel bitter and angry with someone or something that has happened to you. You are not hurting the person who wronged you, you are only hurting yourself for choosing to live in the past and let is have so much control over your life.
Over the years, there have been an uncountable number of excuses for holding on to the past, “If my family wasn’t so mean to me when I was younger, I wouldn’t be in this situation now.” “If my kids weren’t so bad, I wouldn’t have a miserable life.” I call this, the “poor me” mentality. Someone who blames everyone else for all of life’s problems and takes absolutely no responsibility for them. They are the victim. Believing life did something to them. Sound familiar? Everyone know someone who is like this? I was like this, are you?
One client came to terms with the fact that what she is doing now in the present is what she has chosen to do. Her kids are not making her miserable. She is allowing herself to be miserable. Then, we took a look at what’s positive in her life, all the good, instead of the bad. After a while she began to realize, her life wasn’t as bad as she thought. Yes, she still had problems, as we all do. But she learned to accept them, not play the blame game, learn, then let them go.
By allowing ourselves to continually go through this process; accept, learn, let go, life effortlessly flows through us, made of present moments, rather than living in the past. Imagine life in the moment. Imagine the joy, love, peace that could possibly come by living in this moment right now. Things look brighter, more detailed, more important, more intentional, more compassionate, more kind, more loving. Who doesn’t need all those “mores” in their life?
Reflect on these for a moment, please. Practice presence while working through these tough questions. Try not to allow yourself to be distracted. Respect yourself and the process by giving yourself the space and time to be in the truth in your answers.
Do you feel betrayed by anyone in your life?
Do you blame anyone for any unhappiness in your life?
If so, how are they responsible for your unhappiness?
Is there room for forgiveness?
Have you ever done something you regret or feel shame around?
Is there room for forgiveness?
How has this affected the life you live today?
Realize, this is in the past and anything you did in the past is kept alive only by your memories of it. It doesn’t matter what you did then. What matters is what you are doing right now. At this very moment, this is the only true reality that exists. Learning from poor decisions is the best gift we can offer ourselves.
Living in the present also means getting rid of deeply held energies from the past. As a baby we are born into this world free, with no expectations. When we wanted something we asked for sometimes by crying. When we were happy we expressed it freely by laughing, and we knew we had the right to do this. We trusted our instincts. As we grew, we were slowly taught the difference between yes and no and right and wrong, this was good; this wasn’t good, until we got to the point where we didn’t trust our instincts any longer and didn’t know if we were correct.
Doubt set in and we began to question and think about everything, pushing our natural instincts deep inside us. Life brought its rollercoaster. We learned joy and happiness but we also learned pain, fear, resentment, guilt, and shame. These emotions didn’t feel good. We took them and buried them deep inside so they wouldn’t hurt any longer, only, they are still a part of us and we live our lives through them unaware. We become our buried emotions, the abandoned child becomes the adult who can’t seem to stay in a relationship and doesn’t know why. We become dysfunctional adults: the angry wife, the violent husband, the abusive mother, the alcoholic son, the humiliated student. These buried emotions create who we are and we live our lives convincing ourselves we are not miserable and in pain yet completely unaware of the truth.
When I was in the 4th grade, my history teacher decided to pick on a young girl who was considered unpopular at the time by her peers. She asked the girl, “What date did the 4th of July occur on?” but the girl didn’t understand the joke. The teacher kept asking her over and over and each time she did, you would hear a roar of laughter from the class. The teacher then asked the girl to go to the front of the class and point to the date on the calendar. The girl slowly walked to the calendar and just stared at it. Everyone laughed. It was then that I saw the utter humiliation on the poor girls face. I yelled out through the laughter, “July 4th!” She stared at me for what seemed like 5 minutes but it had to be only seconds and she said, “Oh! Now I get it, its on July 4th!” And everyone cheered. But she didn’t. She slowly walked back to her seat with her head down, defeated.
I have to wonder to this day, how had that moment affected that innocent girls life? Did she feel inferior and distrustful of authority. Did she go home and cry or did she bury those feelings deep inside? Years later, as an adult, how did this affect her?
What hurts have you buried deep inside?
You cannot truly live in the present if you have not let go of your conditioned responses that unconsciously control your life now, placing you in a self-imposed prison. To release those pent up emotions easily, you must see yourself as the prison guard and the prisoner. You are the one who created this prison and only you have the key to unlock the door.
“…make emotional release a priority so you can be free to live fully in the moment.”
Exercise #4: Emotional Wound Releasing
Breathe deeply for a minute or so and begin to think of something in our past that hurt you deeply Continue to breathe deeply as you relive this event moment by moment. Let the feelings build. You may notice a sensation in a specific area of your body, perhaps your solar plexus or heart. This is where you are holding this old worn out energy. Breathe into this area and as you breathe out, let the emotions come with it. Breathe in and breathe these emotions out. Allow yourself to cry, scream or express them any way you like, just breathe them out. If you don’t feel them in any specific part of the body, imagine them to be in your entire body and continue to breathe them out. You can do this with each pent up emotion you own. Don’t bring up too many issues in one day. Be gentle with yourself and try to do one or two a day until they feel clear. You may have to work with the same emotion for many days. Apply caution always. Seek professional help if you continue to feel agitated or uneasy in any way. — Journal. The submission for this assignment is to summarize your experience.
Exercise #5: Present Moments
For one day only, be willing to commit yourself to living in the present. Every time you catch yourself thinking about the past or the future, pull yourself immediately out of this and focus your mind on what is going on at that very moment. Focus on your surroundings, focus on what you are doing, on someone in the room; whatever you need to do to keep yourself in the now. Be sure to choose a day where you know you won’t have too many distractions. At the end of the day, write in your journal whatever came up for you.
After doing this for a day, see if for one week you can complete this exercise anywhere from 2-4 times a day. If you find it hard to remember to do this, set an alarm.
You may find when you live in the present, you won’t have the need to worry so much. Why worry about what could happen in the future when the future doesn’t even exist. You will find, if you allow yourself time to prepare for the future, there will be no need to worry. Leave the past behind. The past exist in your mind only. All negative emotions kept inside from the past are like carrying around extra weight. It makes you slow, heavy, tired.
“You cannot truly live in the present if you have not let go of your conditioned responses that unconsciously control your life now, placing you in a self-imposed prison. To release those pent up emotions easily you must see yourself as the prison guard and the prisoner. You are the one who created this prison and only you have the key to unlock the door. "
Exercise #6: Changing faulty behaviors
Examine your past thoroughly and make a list of any negative traits you feel your family had while you were growing up. Write down what they did or said that made you upset and how they related to others. When you’re finished, examine your life in the present moment. Be honest. Do you see any similarities of behavior?
Here is how one student finished the exercise:
Family:
Dad:
Never listened to me.
Yelled at me when I didn’t do anything wrong.
Mom:
Broke promises all the time.
Was very disagreeable no matter what I said.
What I do in the present:
It is important to me to listen to my kids as I know it hurt me as a child when I was ignored.
I tend to yell at my kids more than I should. I let my own frustrations out on them like my dad did to me. I thought I had a right to do that. Now that I took this course I understate that if they irritate me in some ay it is my choice to reach in the way I do. i can see it differently by realizing things happen and I don’t have to react to them so quickly. If my kids make a mistake, for instance, if they spill their juice on the carpet, I have to remember that those things happen sometimes and they feel bad enough all ready for doing it. They don’t need me yelling at them
I never break promises with my kids or anyone else. It seems silly but it hurt so much when as a child my mom would say she was going to take us to the zee and then change her mind. I still remember the feeling of excitement I had waiting to go to the zoo and the disappointment when I found out she didn’t want to go.
I have a hard time being agreeable with others. I find myself almost taking pleasure in disagreeing with others the way my mother did with me. I think if I say conscious of this, I can stop the unnecessary disagreement. After all, we all have our own opinions, but if I am honest, I do find myself disagreeing and I don’t even know why.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness, or what the Buddhists call Vipassana, is being constantly aware. Staying in the present moment. Looking at everything as if it is the first time you have ever seen it. Mindfulness can be done formally in a sitting position or informally, while doing your daily activities. You can practice mindfulness at any time of day or night.
For example, when you take a walk, are you thinking about how your feet feel on the ground, how your body is moving when you walk? Do you observe the beauty of the tree and nature, rather than thinking about what you’re doing Saturday night or later that day?
Are you consciously aware of what you are doing when you are brushing your hair? You know you are brushing your hair, but are you thinking about how the brush feels weaving through your hair, or are you thinking of what shoes you’re going to wear? When you’re eating dinner, are you aware of the feel of the food in your mouth, the taste, aroma, texture, the sensation of chewing and swallowing your food? Are you allowing yourself to enjoy every bite or are you thinking about what you’re going to do as soon as you finish eating? Be in the moment, in the present. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure of experiencing each moment as it is.
Exercise #7: Present moments
This exercise is slightly different than exercise #5. You will live in the present, not thinking of the past or future but you will live each moment fully. Be in the moment today. Whatever you do, pay attention to the present moment. Whether it is dinking coffee, talking to your partner or combing your hair. Enjoy every aspect of each activity you do.. Try to see or feel something new in a mundane activity like washing the dishes, or sweeping the kitchen floor. Practice this technique at least 3-4 times a day or anytime you become aware. Eventually you will train your mind to be in the present more frequently until it feels less of an effort.
Sitting in mindfulness is done by being aware of your thoughts. By Allowing them to pass by without analyzing or dissecting them, remaining non-judgmental, telling yourself you’ll deal with them later, always coming back to the point of focus, this focus point can be the breath, an object or a sound.
Journal about this and submit a synopsis of your experience.
